Dig, Boy, Dig

You can’t sleep. You didn’t dig. Even after watching your favorite episode of The Big Bang Theory, your mind is awake. You finally fall into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning on your expensive mattress and silken sheets, only to wake bleary-eyed after your fourth alarm clock ring. Then, you down some coffee or your favorite candied caffeine drink, get back to your wage cage, and review more widgets. You know nothing of the relationship between hard work and sleep that comes from digging in the soil.

I’ve known several normie acquaintances throughout the years that claimed to have insomnia (undiagnosed, of course). They waxed poetically about how hard it was for them to get a real night’s sleep. I couldn’t help but notice that these were “people” who could tell you about video games and television shows but couldn’t use a shovel or a dumbbell. These people went off to live in big cities and idle in beer arcades instead of having children.

Might I propose a solution, my dear soy boy? Do you own a shovel? If not, get rid of your multiple OnlyFans subscriptions and go buy one. Not only can a shovel dig a hole, but it can act as a very inconvenient spoon to assist in your (necessary) weight loss journey. Stick your shovel in the ground before sleep and begin to dig. Physical labor is probably hard on you, but you are descended from the same chaff that my people forced to build great walls and tend fields, so I believe in you. The shovel is your meditation device, and the hole will soon be your meditation chamber.

Digging is a chance to clear your mind, unloading the wasted thoughts that echo through your cavernous skull, just as you unload dirt from your hole. Maybe once you’re done emptying the hole for the night, you refill it with something. Perhaps you plant a tree, or that thing you ran over before your neighbor comes home. In the same way, instead of refilling your head with the most hilarious, high IQ hijinks of Rick and Morty, you read a book before bed. Have you ever actually done this? Have you ever felt the satisfaction of how quickly your eyelids begin to droop under the mental strain of reading an actual book instead of scrolling through your Instagram feed? Try draining your cells of energy to the point where your body craves sleep in the way that Redditors crave Funko Pops.

Ancient people understood the power of digging. Whether you be the Pueblo, a swarthy subterranean slave race, or those who built Derinkuyu in Turkey, the ancient peoples understood the security of subterranean dwellings and the satisfaction of a good night’s sleep. Modern equivalency can be found in the town of Coober Pedy, Australia, where people expand their homes by digging new chambers, sometimes stumbling upon opals in the process. Even we, in our more civilized Southland, have begun to dig to escape the heat. Let’s say your arms cannot stand the burden of digging underground dwellings, could you instead create a garden after digging with a smaller shovel? A garden has the two-fold benefit of tuckering you out during construction and feeding you after completion. This wouldn’t just cut down your Netflix binge-watching and candy time, but would allow you the satisfaction of creating life.

You alone can decide the methods of your own physical labor. If you have something better to do, do it and reap the rewards from it. I implore you to find satisfaction in a hard day’s work, so that you may drop into the bliss of a good night’s sleep without interruption. From young boys digging tunnels, to grown men digging underground dwellings, we, as Southerners, embody the fortification building spirits of our Confederate ancestors. Go forth and reclaim that same sleep that our forefathers fought for and with, and use the energy it brings to push forward to a Free Dixie. Embrace Shovel Nationalism!

Nero Augustus

We are witnessing, not the natural end of a great human civilization, but the birth of an inhuman civilization that could never have come into being without a vast, an immense, a universal sterilization of life’s highest values