I believe it’s a narcissistic delusion to think that you’re the protagonist in a story called Your Life and that other people are placed in it as some sort of divine punishment for whatever it was you’re trying to figure out that you did to deserve it. Still, I catch myself wondering if mine is a horror, a comedy, or a criminal caper. I ain’t the sort of man who benefits from introspection.
COVID isn’t a threat to my health, but in terms of everything else in my life it’s been quite troublesome. The worst part is that it’s an alarming confirmation of my suspicions about my fellow humans, most of whom I hold in contempt. To be more specific, I now know to a certainty that there’s a personality type upon which we can blame almost all of our problems.
His mind harbors delusions of intellectual and moral superiority to the point where he’d suffer an existential meltdown if evidence to the contrary were to be accepted. Concordantly, he will internalize a set of factually absurd and contradictory narratives because he can’t pick and choose what suits him based on an objective evaluation. He must think as the best people think, because he can’t bear to feel that he’s not one of them.
Thus, it’s not a coincidence that anyone who demands we all take a vaccine also contends that 1/6 was an insurrection against our sacred democracy. It’s not that this idiocy compliments itself, it’s that rejecting one aspect invalidates all of the others and next thing you know, you’re on a rooftop wondering if the final moment will hurt less if you land on your head or feet.
Okay, so that’s one thing. But, the unsettling part is when you wonder how far this can take them. By how far, I picture myself against a wall in in a FEMA camp and one of them shooting me in the head. I’m now confident that’s a correct assessment of the situation.
On social media, I’ve seen a constant feed of people getting vaxxed and complimenting themselves for “doing their part” or not being a “conspiracy theorist.” In real life, you find out that these healthy people are making themselves sick for days and then contending that it was worth all the suffering despite the fact that it’s now obvious that only the terminally ill are in danger and the vaccines don’t prevent it anyway.
One of them had a self-congratulatory post followed by one of him hooked to an IV in a hospital bed. He’s also married to a man. I wish I had the literary talent to make up something more disturbing than real life but I recognize my limitations. One of the skills I’ve developed through maturity is saying nothing. I consider it a form of stoicism that requires mental and moral focus.
Back to my original point, the theatricality of all this is impossible to ignore so it’s very easy to go down a rabbit hole pondering the implications. Last night, I watched Hell or High Water. In the ending scene, the Texas Ranger confronts the bank robber:
“Why, why did you do it? I know why your brother Tanner did it. He robbed them banks cause he liked it. He shot my partner at 300 yards away because he liked it. Made him feel good. If I hadn’t blown his shit for brains out, there’d be a new truck out front with jet skis and whatever else he could think to buy. He’d spend it all just to give him an excuse to steal some more.”
“Brilliant,” I exclaimed. “All of this boils right down to that.” “You’ve been drinking all night, that doesn’t make any sense,” she replied. The sense is there all the same, whether people notice it or not. We waste our time dealing with facts and logic when none of that really matters.
I’m proud to officially announce my candidacy for the office of Dogcatcher.
