We Ain’t Know

I was sittin on an old toilet in front of my dilapidated trailer this mornin, perusin myself the news. Our president lady-Kamala Harris explained to a reporter woman that voter ID laws would be unfair cause rural folk cain’t make photocopies of their IDs. I looked around and thought to myself: I sure have clapped eyes on a lot of empty beer cans and rustin junk, but I ain’t never seen no photocopier machine, whatever the hell that is.  

I sure am grateful we’ve got all these fancy people up in DC to explain these sorts of thangs to us. We’re lucky to live in a country where a woman cain’t just get all the way to the White House by providin sexual services to a corrupt old codger who’s already married. I tell ya who I’m also grateful for: All them there brave soldiers fightin for our freedom in that pentagon building.

Next story I come across, Nancy Pelosi had to warn General Milley that Trump was gon order hisself a nuclear strike to stay in office, cause he was butthurt about losing to Biden, fair and square.

I’ve always found her a relatable sorta lady. I cain’t recall the last time my granny didn’t rise and shine with a glass of whiskey, and truth be told, it just gets worse as the day goes on. The important thang though is that she always tells us the truth.

That why when she said that these white supremacists were a powerful bad threat to our nation’s security, I knew they were fixin to do somethin terrible. Sure, I ain’t a shade darker than a scoop of vanilla ice cream that I cain’t afford, but some thangs are as plain as that sweet concoction.

Every Monday, there’s another sad total of all them colored folks in Chicago who got bagged by these boys ridin around in their Klan hoods takin shots at em just for fun. Thangs are gettin so bad that Mayor Lightfoot had to declare racism a dang old public health emergency. I ain’t never clapped eyes on no alien neither, but I reckon she’s close enough.

If the good Lord don’t make em pretty, he sure make em smart. How else she gon get her hands on city hall? Got herself a 7 foot tall Jew giant lady, too. Ain’t that somethin? She’s as bright as the bug zapper out in the wood shed where cousin Cletus sleeps.

Yessir, this country has a whole mess of problems but we’re blessed to have the right folks tryin to steer the ship straight. We could be starvin in South Africa. White supremacist militias tore that place to tarnation. This poor colored man had to get himself a tee-vee set to watch the Food Network. If you ain’t got nothin ta eat, it’s the next best thang.

They cut my cable off after that sonofabitch down at the sewage treatment plant turned me loose for drinkin on the job. Best I got these days is the YouTube.

Alrighty then, I gotta head out and bag me a coon or a possum. My family sure could use the meat.