California’s Walk of Shame

I can attest from extensive personal experience that sooner or later, the exigencies of ClownWorld will inundate your life. It’s also more analogous to a downhill highway of horrors than a 3D sphere. We’re all along for the ride. When that clown car collides, you probably won’t be able to laugh it off.

There’s no worse stretch of road than California. Among other dire predicaments, Californians are faced with an apocalyptic homeless crisis. Our nation has far more sensible and costly priorities than institutionalizing these wretched people for the benefit of everyone, including themselves. For instance, provoking WW3 with the Russians. Homelessness will be a non-issue once America is blasted into a red-hot sheet of glass.  

One poor lady near Hollywood’s Walk of Fame was baptized into the madness of our age by a colored gentleman (last name: Blessings) with “a bucket of hot diarrhea” he’d been accumulating for some time. She now has to be regularly tested for infectious diseases and treated for PTSD. He was back on the street within months.

This is just one incident featured in last week’s clip from a local NBC affiliate. If you have 5 minutes for dystopia, check it out. If not, here are a couple choice quotes from this heartwarming video:

“a bucket of his diarrhea…it was liquid, hot liquid, I was soaked”

Welcome to the new world. It’s cash only. No credit accepted.

“meth use has been linked to violence and so has untreated mental illness”

Everyday, I learn something completely new. Just like fried chicken and waffles, my mind would’ve never made such pairings without the geniuses at NBC pointing them out.

The fecal fiend is part of a cast of dastardly villains featured in the clip. One of his compatriots hurls a pedestrian into oncoming traffic. The guy’s head goes under the wheel of a truck and misses getting crushed by a fraction of an inch.

Another African-American chap stalks the sidewalks clobbering white women in the face. He finally goes too far and is apprehended after punching morbidly obese Attorney Brandon Cohen. Despite 4 felony convictions, he is given a citation and released on the spot.

There’s also a brief interview with Rev. Andy Bales, CEO of LA’s Union Rescue Mission. His harrowing ordeal foreshadows the medieval plagues to come: After accidentally stepping in a human stool deposit, he contracted excruciating flesh eating bacteria that forced doctors TO AMPUTATE HIS LEG.

All of this raises a few questions. First, how much road is left? Second, what does the end of the road look like? Third, am I crazy for thinking this isn’t just going to keep limping along in perpetuity? I’ve never once considered using the street as a toilet, so I’m going to assume not.