The New England Yankee Mind

We all know that stereotypes have some grain of truth to them, or they wouldn’t exist. There is no stereotype that pokes fun at how hard drinking Mormons are or how rude Southerners can be. The stereotype that is truer than most is that of New England Yankees being ruder than most, and for some reason, incapable of coping with other people having a good time. The idea has been bandied about that it is their harsh winters that make them so dour. While this is likely a contributing factor, this does not fully explain it. If it was weather alone, the cheese-eateers and Minnesotans (the real ones, not the Mohammedan hordes brought in to ruin the place) would be just as grouchy and harsh. The true reasons must be deeper.

Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, economist or other form of credentialed quack. While brilliant and insightful, this is all supposition based on observation and experience.

The history of the Puritans is not wholly unknown, but is often times mixed up with the Pilgrims. The Pilgrims got booted out of England for being annoying and heretical. They fled to Holland, which they then left for the New World because they feared their children were going to assimilate. You read that correctly, they were immigrants who picked a place to move and then didn’t want to assimilate. History suggests that they all left on their own accord, but it is my guess they were no longer welcome and were well aware of it.

The Puritans left for the New World because they saw an investment opportunity. There was also talk of building a more pure Church of England, somehow by ignoring all of the Anglican doctrines and traditions and making up their own rules. There is some mildly interesting history on the differences between the two groups (Puritans and Pilgrims) and their interactions, but it is neither very important nor germane to the topic.

A fundamental doctrine of Puritan belief was to avoid what they considered “idle action.” Puritans viewed themselves as God’s “chosen people,” and they (likely started by an influential business owner who wanted productive employees) believed it was a duty to God as his chosen people to spend their time productively, to not do so was a vice. Believing they were God’s chosen people came with the further knowledge that they had absolute moral authority over all things and all people. This idea that their way is the right way and anyone who may possibly disagree is wrong, as well as, simply “in the way” is a thread that runs through the history of the Yankee up to this very day. “History is on our side” is the Godless heathen term for “manifest destiny,” which was also a Puritan concept.

All this combines into the finger wagging, tattletale sourpuss that is today’s New Englander. It is clear that most of them do not know or understand the roots of this hand-me-down absolute moral authority, which has devolved from a slightly misguided obeisance to God Almighty into a stalwart arrogance and prideful ignorance. They not only are always right but it is absurd to the point of insulting to think anyone else could be right about anything at all (ever). The thoroughly hidden roots of disliking idle action have similarly resulted in a devolving of the concept. What was once a religious based doctrine has mutated into a loathing of any activity that they do not understand, which is the second half of this Molotov cocktail.

The boundless arrogance of a misunderstood absolute moral authority, detached from the humility of a connection to a higher power, creates a compulsion to enforce their preferences and norms on everyone and everything else. It drives the modern New Englander, but they cannot explain why. This drive, this woven-into-the-soul need to control others, is then focused by the aforementioned dislike of idle action, now transformed into an intolerance for anything they do not enjoy themselves. Drinking to the point of inebriation is a perfectly acceptable activity, despite it’s obvious idleness. Recreational fishing or hunting, however, are hobbies of the provincial hicks and they should stop doing it (per their line of thinking).

The one example that best encapsulates the entirety of this attitude can be found during gun control pushes. They cannot stop themselves from asking the question, “Why do you need?” The New Englander, especially, though leftist in general, is so certain of their authority that they assume the person they are asking recognizes their authority and that person is required to justify their position (or possession) to them, lest the authority take it away.

The tone of the question is never one of honest inquiry, either. They do not approach the topic in good faith, open to the possibility the person may have a perfectly reasonable explanation, or that the New Englander realizes how ignorant they are on the topic and is requiring more information. It is an accusation, interrogation and, ultimately, an inquisition to entrap and extract an apology and confession. The only right answer to any question beginning with “Why do you need?” is also responding with a question – “Why do you I have to justify [Insert X] to you?” Let them describe their own pathology.

To summarize it rather simply, Puritans hated fun. They had an explainable, rational reason for it that I disagree with, but it was at least thought out. The cultural influence of the Puritans on modern New England has been so thoroughly detached from its original religious roots (with a healthy dose of subversion and modernity) that while many of the same compulsions still exist on a somewhat instinctual level, they are just that, instincts without reason. In a way, we should almost pity the New Englander. They are so thoroughly broken that they don’t even understand what they hate or even why.

-By Atilla