Saying “No” to Globohomo

In 1985, a bunch of celebrities teamed up for a song called We Are The World. Ostensibly to raise money for starving Africans, it was actually one of the cringiest acts of narcissistic self-indulgence ever recorded. The population of Africa has nearly tripled since that it was released.

Africans are flooding into Europe and North America as they’re outstripping the carrying capacity of their native lands. Population growth is now taking on a more vertical trajectory. It’s inevitable we’ll be witnessing a Malthusian catastrophe on a scale never before conceived within the next 25 years.

We didn’t do Africa any favors, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to stop imposing assistance. The Trump Administration has embarked on an ambitious campaign to mandate sodomy from Cape Town to Cairo. Botswana recently got buggered and now Zambia is under assault. Remember when Orange Man told us we’d beg him to stop winning, but he’d give us no choice? I get it now, please put away the rainbow dildo, Mr. President.

Unlike any politicians in the Western world, President Lungu, a devout Baptist, actually maintains the courage of his convictions. When the US ambassador threatened him with withholding 500 million in annual U.S. aid over stiff (haha) prison sentences for man-on-man interactions, he told whitey to get the hell out of his country. This is the most heart-warming story I’ve seen in months.

Here’s a couple choice quotes from an interview:

“Even animals don’t do it, why should we be forced to do it because we want to be seen to be smart, to be civilized and advanced and so?”

“If that’s how you’re going to bring your aid, I’m afraid the western can leave us alone, you know?”

Unfortunately, we know that the US government would rather have this guy overthrown and lynched in the street rather than simply letting us keep our money while they get to keep their rectums intact. Honestly, I’ve got zero desire to interfere with how Africans choose to conduct their lives besides getting them to stay put in the land of their ancestors.

My issue is that since we’ve got no choice in the matter of forking over 500 million per year, can’t we at least get something better than sub-Saharan sodomy from the bargain?

Here’s my Art of the Deal:

Item 1) America has money.

Item 2) Zambia, at 290,000 square miles, has plenty of space.

Item 3) America has a vast population of incorrigible, drug-addled bums and miscreants.

Item 4) The location of Zambia relative to the USA renders foot traffic impossible.

This is what’s called the makings of a win-win situation. All Zambia would need to do is set aside its least-desirable 4,000 square miles for a penal colony. There’d be plenty of guard jobs in it for Zambians, too. Although, that would have to be paid out of their end. Their labor costs are low enough that there’d still be 499.9 million for graft.  

“America First” shouldn’t mean screwing other countries over. That’s what we’ve been doing for decades, right down to forcing them to allow their menfolk to screw each other. Instead, it ought to imply inking fair arrangements. However, that’s little more than a fantasy. President Lungu’s days are numbered.