Charm City Solutions

Some things constitute a delightful pairing. For example, white wine and seafood are the elements of a fine meal. Other dualities can serve only to facilitate a descent into madness for those willing to entertain such an unhappy union in their minds.

Here’s one: an optimistic attitude towards a problem that’s obviously intractable. After repeated failure, the refusal to abandon hope must surely imbue one’s psyche with at least a tinge of lunacy. That’s always been my take on the matter.

But, if this was indeed reality, wouldn’t our loony bins be packed full of do-gooder Heritage Americans? I feel compelled to admit that I’ve observed scant evidence to support my hypothesis.

Therefore, I must conclude that pathological altruism serves mainly to undermine the sanity of those who find it insane. Watching peers constantly fail to fix the same unfixable problem will excavate a fathomless depth for pessimism in one’s mind. Their refusal to even recognize the underlying premise of their delusions often sears a dull rage. Perhaps there’s a padded cell in my future.

Here’s a case to illustrate my point. Baltimore, Maryland is America’s per-capita murder champion. This is America, so that’s saying quite a bit. It’s come to be known as “Bodymore, Murdaland” among its residents in much the same manner as a military unit earns a nickname for distinguishing itself in combat.

Just to cite a few other existential issues: the city is plagued by appalling incompetence and corruption, the opioid death rate is staggering, education is a perverse joke, and the water infrastructure is crumbling. But it’s fuckin’ fixable, right? RIGHT?!!!

Well of course it is, and did you know the best way to go about achieving the impossible? Do what already proved futile less than three years ago: fly surveillance in a constant loop over the city so a team can analyze gunshot data in real time. Hire the same damn company, too.

Last time, shootings actually increased. This time will somehow be different because they’ll be flying three planes, instead of just one. What won’t change are the people funding this sham, Texas philanthropists Laura and John Arnold, who squandered millions the first time around. Am I the only person who finds this idiocy exasperating?

As we all know but can’t admit, the shootings aren’t being done by racist cowboys hunting helpless Indians. So, if it were possible to apprehend the perpetrators with the persistent surveillance system, they’d be rounding up colored residents exclusively. Would this not then attract the ire of the Justice Department?

We’re talking Disparate Impact here, that’s a real tripwire. Just ask Chicago PD. If you do start arresting more blacks to tamp down on shootings, they’ll bring the wrath of Uncle Sam down on you to stop it. This will lead to even more shootings. That’s the bloody lesson of the post-BLM era.

To sum up, you’ve got something that’s been demonstrated not to work. But, if you actually succeeded this time, the repercussion would eventually be Uncle Sam forcing you to allow even more wanton violence. Why even bother?

Hope isn’t a factor in this equation, so why not focus on more productive endeavors? After all, we do reside on a finite planet endowed with finite resources. That’s going to catch up with us sooner or later.