The Ballad of the Boomer

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Young man, because you have asked I shall thus regale,
To you, all my knowledge and wisdom summed in this tale,
So, please sit down, and I will deliver with condescending haste,
The story of my life, a standard vignette of the Boomer race.

I was born in the year of ’47, the year of our greatest ally’s creation,
In the halcyon days of a stable, safe, and wealthy American nation.
Gifted were we with loving families and bountiful inheritance won,
By the arduous labors, tears, and blood rendered by our forefather’s sons.

But I’m here to tell you, that in truth our ancestors were hopeless fools,
Who never learned what we did in our enlightened Frankfurtian schools,
America is evil, they giddily proclaimed, and Christ and White men are to blame.
For all of societies iniquities, injustices, and other sources of odious shame.

With despair we hung our heads low and wept and gnashed our teeth,
At the vile and unjust society that to us our ancestors faithfully bequeathed.
Not all is lost, our professors crooned, you can still make the world a better place,
All that is necessary to remedy your malady is to dismantle the White race.

And so, we, invigorated with zestful glee, did solemnly and piously partake,
In taking all subversive action which would make the back of America break!

The first to go was that hateful institution of the nuclear family,
Women ought to be free from their husbands, so divorce was handed out like candy.
Children are an eyesore, they take up our time and get in the way,
Of a pleasurable life of drugs, sex, and cheap and endless buffets.

Staffed by immigrant workers, whom we imported with great haste and temerity,
They are cheaper to hire than my neighbor, and yet pay into my social security!
At my illustrious job in university, I followed the path of my teachers and professed,
To the newest generation of Americans, that it is time to kill the West.

White people are pasty and boring, said I, and should be replaced,
Tear down every statue and vilify every hero, wipe it all out without leaving a trace.
And with deep satisfaction I would watch my students go out and into town,
To find every sculpture and White-owned store and burn it all down.

With the tenure money in my account, I bought the family house from my father,
Noticing how houses appreciate in value, I decided to invest in another.
Not to live in, you see, but to rent it out in perpetuity to those younger folk,
Who must work longer and harder for inflated dollars while under the corporate yolk.

And when I’m old and done with work, no sense in letting those houses expire,
Through a reverse mortgage with BlackRock, it will be enough to cover me when I retire!

As for my lousy and privileged White children, who are a minority in their own home,
Who struggle to find families, work, and, like nomads, will be forced to roam,
I shall wag my finger and tell them that it is for their own good,
That their once prosperous and safe nation is now an inner-city hood.

And that if they want to stop living on meager bits and scraps,
Then perhaps they should pull themselves up by their own bootstraps!

And now, as this story reaches its conclusion, I have but one last thing to mention,
I just voted Blue to increase your taxes to bolster my retirement pension.
But don’t get mad at me, increasing your debt burden for my sake is not crazy,
Don’t you know I’ve worked so hard for you, so chop-chop and stop being lazy!

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-By Anon