I have it on good authority (mine) that parrots can, in fact, be political lefties. I’ll explain as briefly as I can.
Sometime back, my boys and I did a fair amount of remodel work in a house wherein reside a number of house pets, including two small dogs, several cats we could never get an accurate or reliable count of, numerous exotic fish kept in a large glass tank, and last, but certainly not least, a very colorful parrot. “Colorful” in more ways than one, as you’re soon to learn if you decide to read on.
Now, as I have long maintained, much may be gleaned about people and their characteristics by closely observing the behavioral characteristics of their children. If they have any children and their behaviors are closely observed, that is to say. My personal experience is that one can also glean a fair amount of useful information about persons by way of closely observing the behavior of their (more or less) domesticated pets, and especially when there are no human offspring whose manners and behaviors one may readily observe. The length of time our work consumed from start to finish, afforded my boys and me ample opportunity to observe the typical behavior of the house animals at the particular job in question. That isn’t always the case but, whenever it is the case, I try to “jot down” a few mental notes pertaining to what I’ve learned by way of careful observation, and to later “compare notes” as it were with similar gleanings mentally jotted down in previous note takings. Below is a short list of some of the things I gleaned about the inhabitants of the household in question:
The two dogs of the house exhibited mostly good behavior, in that they kept to themselves most of the time and didn’t intentionally pester anyone else. They also never tried to bite anyone, which is always noted in the plus column. Although they are both in the habit of relieving themselves at various places all over the house when “nature calls,” so it is wise to watch your step as you traipse to and fro through the house fetching a tool or whatever. If there is any rhyme or reason to their choices of place for doing “their business,” neither my sons, nor I, could ever figure it out or make any sense of it. The cats, on the other hand, are typically distant, mostly anti-social and aloof, and therefore very difficult to get an accurate count or appreciable assessment of, as previously noted; while the fish just swim about in their tank more or less vigorously and make for semi-interesting “conversation pieces” amongst their curious human passersby.
The parrot is kept in a large, elaborate cage raised several feet above the floor in the far corner of the master suite. Whether or not his prominent position in the most comfortable and luxurious room in the house might have affected his overall attitude and high view of himself, I cannot say for sure, but I lean towards the affirmative in answer to the question. In any case, our parrot is dictatorial and an absolute (albeit petty) tyrant – a true fascist by most anyone’s definition of the term. I get the impression, however, that he fancies himself something of a “Benevolent Monarch” who believes it his sole responsibility and divinely ordained duty to “run a tight ship” and maintain good order in the house – for the greatest good of the whole of its occupants, human and animal alike. Although I’m pretty sure no one has ever introduced him to the concept of subsidiarity, but that is a topic for another day.
He is very quick to order any or all other occupants, including unsuspecting first-time guests of the house, to “shut up!” While he, in fact, never shuts up. Meanwhile, and curiously enough, he sometimes exudes a very “salt of the earth” and patriotic disposition and seems to get a tingle up his tail and back feathers anytime he hears the American National Anthem played on the television conveniently located directly in front of his cage. If it isn’t quickly turned off or the volume turned to zero, he will, as though it were instinctively, break in at just the right moment to sing squawk – “and the Rock-et’s Reddd GLAAARRE!”
I cannot do it justice in writing, but suffice to say that the high pitch and scratchy sound of his voice is ear-piercing to say the least, as you might well imagine; something akin to scraping fingernails across a chalkboard. I even had occasion to witness this one Saturday afternoon as he was viewing the start of an OU Sooners home football game, when he suddenly joined into the chorus with his fellow Sooners fans in the stadium at precisely the right moment, as they all sang in perfect unison, “and the hommmme … of theeee … SOO-NERRRRS!” At which moment one of his aforementioned canine housemates began to yelp and the other to howl. But ever at the ready to restore order like a judge in a disruptive American courtroom, our parrot instantly dealt with their impertinent insults with a more forceful than usual exclamation of his typical “SHUT. UPPPP!!!”
Our patriotic parrot, as you have probably guessed by now, is also very narcissistic; a characteristic my boys and I noticed almost immediately, although none of us could ever work up courage enough to tell him so. His favorite pastime is peering at his reflection in the little mirror in his cage, repeating over and over again various instantiations declaring what a “pretty bird” and a “smart bird” he is. As I said, he never shuts up; he’s always yapping (or, squawking) on and on about something. Anything. Nothing. And he possesses an impressive vocabulary to boot. For a parrot. The only time he ever speaks of – or, rather, at – anyone other than himself, is whenever the lesser occupant dares to speak up for himself, or to get a bark, a whimper, a meow, a growl or a word in edgewise.
Descending as he does from non-natives of the United States and the North American continent, our parrot is the 3rd great-grandson of South American immigrant parrots. As such, he is a big believer in the assimilation of all immigrant species, which is why he supports a vigorous and fully funded government education system – a “World Class” government education system – for exotic immigrant pets. He is also quick to pronounce that he has no problem with immigrants of any numbers or any species not hostile to parrots. So long as they come here legally, that is. To reject the world’s tired, its poor, its huddled masses of indigent species yearning to be free on any other grounds is the definition of “unAmericanism” to his mind. Naturally, therefore, he sees America as the Great Melting Pot of all exotic species, and believes with all his tiny little parrot heart in Proposition Nationhood. He knows America is far and away the greatest country in the world since there simply cannot be any other logical explanation for the fact that so many millions of immigrant species have risked life and wing to get to the “Land of the Free,” and to join their predecessors in permanently make theirs, “The Home of the Brave.”
Although he is in fact a fascist, our parrot believes it is his adoptive nation’s divinely ordained and perpetual mission to, “Make the World Safe for Democracy.” In a courageous show of solidarity with the Ukrainian people recently, our parrot replaced the American flag that had formerly adorned the front of his cage with a parrot-sized version of the flag of Ukraine. He squawks that the current uprising in that misfortunate country against their Commie Russian invaders is “Their 1776,” and he strongly believes that all 1776’s are created equal, and are, therefore, equally inspired and supported by their divine originator.
He doesn’t read books of any kind, but he’s watched every American and British documentary ever made about Nazi Germany, and therefore knows everything there is or ever was to know about the Holocaust, as well as how dangerous it is to leave a man like Adolf Hitler in power. When he isn’t (re)watching American and British-made documentaries about Nazi Germany or otherwise self-entertaining by way of his favorite pastime, he is scanning Facebook and Twitter for the newest conservative memes. His favorites are the DR3 memes, since, as every Patriotic American parrot who IS a Patriotic American parrot knows, “Demo-rats” are in fact the “real racists,” and of course always have been. Which is why the last time they were as mad at Republicans as they are at this date was when The Grand Old Party “loosed the fateful lightning of their terrible swift swords” on Southern Democrats and freed their slaves in 1865.
In short, our ultra-conservative parrot believes that all species are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, and that governments derive their just powers from the consent of … the parrots. He believes that the U.S. Constitution is sacrosanct, and that the Reconstruction Amendments are its guiding lights that the original Founders somehow forgot to add to that divinely inspired document in 1787. Although he will pay lip service now and again to that inspired document’s Tenth Amendment, especially when it is convenient to do so. It is just that he believes, notwithstanding all of the above, that some species are more equal than others, although he never says so, not in so many words.
Now, our subject doesn’t seem to know he is a liberal, and in fact often describes himself as “ultra-conservative,” which is to say, ‘a lot more conservative than your average conservative bear parrot.’ He is a big supporter of former President Trump, and attended a number of Trump rallies in 2020 where he of course draped himself in the Stars and Stripes, parroted Trump campaign slogans, and did and said many other things there is not space nor time enough to document in this article. He despises Democrats in general and Hillary Clinton in particular. Unless there is a sportsball game, a NASCAR race or a favorite Nazi documentary playing on another channel, his television is tuned to Fox News virtually 24/7; not that he needs the constant reminders from that source that Republican equals “conservative” and Democrat equals liberal, but he likes hearing it incessantly reinforced for the benefit of the ignorant masses in any case. This is at least part of the explanation for his failures of introspection. He doesn’t (openly) believe in abortion, infanticide or divorce, best I gather, although he will confess, when penned down on the question, that he is currently on his fifth marriage and has eaten more than his share of his own offspring in his day, one way or the other.
These are just a few of the reasons I believe parrots can in fact be lefties, and that one self-described “ultra-conservative” parrot in particular IS in fact a lefty. But perhaps I conclude wrongly from my notes; maybe it is that his human hosts are the actual liberals, and this article is really about one or both of them; that he is just doing what parrots have long been known to do – parroting the outermost expressions of their owners’ innermost characteristics, thoughts and convictions.
