They Needed a Different Playbook

Armchair Quarterback ain’t my position in this high-stakes sport we call Surviving Weimerica. But, I’ll try to play it as best I can for the sake of commentary. The subjects this morning being Ken & Karen McBoomer of a gated community in St. Louis that was invaded by BLM.

The McBoomers armed themselves and yelled at the protesters to vacate the neighborhood as they stood in front of their historic mansion to keep it from being ransacked. Overnight, they became an iconic meme which I can respect. The problem is that they were immediately doxxed and now find themselves at the mercy of the cancel mobs.

Although they successfully defended their home, they lost this match because they were using an outdated playbook. Let’s call this playbook “A Set of Reasonable Expectations.” In a civilized society, you’d expect that:

1) People wouldn’t trespass where they don’t belong.
2) If they did, the police would do something in response.
3) If the police didn’t show up, you could exercise your 2A right to get out your gun and demand that the trespassers leave.

Reasonable expectations are plunging a lot of folks into existential trouble across our collapsing country. The McBoomers are apparently both attorneys. The fact that they can afford such a lavish domicile indicates they’re rather accustomed to having the law work out in their favor. That’s not a helpful mentality to have at this stage of the game.

An extensive renovation was recently completed on my antebellum mansion. I’m not any less inclined to tolerate it’s plunder by a mob than these people. However, because I don’t expect anything better from our country than what we’re seeing right now, I would’ve handled the situation with more finesse.

Nobody would’ve been able to film me out in front of my estate with a gun because I know that the headline would read “White Supremacist Terrorist Tom Shackleford Brutally Attacks Peace Activists.” What I would’ve done is arm my servants and tell them to stand guard outside.

I’m confident that Bubba, the yard man, and Mrs. Butterworth, my housekeeper, would be enough to deter a horde of looters if their AR-15s are on prominent display. I keep a mercenary firm on retainer, but I doubt that I’d require anything that heavy to secure the premises.

Looters are opportunistic cowards. None of them are willing to provide the ultimate sacrifice in a human wave attack like they’re storming the beaches of Iwo Jima. Nobody is willing to take a dirt nap just so somebody else can steal a Samsung television or Roomba.

Another thing I absolutely wouldn’t do is place a pistol in the hand of Mrs. Shackleford. Marksmanship concerns aside, I don’t trust her not to put one in the back of my head, blame the looters, and collect on my substantial life insurance policy. She’s mused out loud, typically after several glasses of Prosecco, about shooting me dead on several occasions. So, if trouble arrives, she’d be immediately locked in the panic room.