Souls of the Damned: The NPC

Of all the dissident rightwing memes, the NPC is perhaps the most effective. In case you’re not a gamer, this refers to a non-player character controlled by the game. Of all the real people suffering from this incurable condition, in actors it tends to be the most severe. This shouldn’t be a surprise, as they were reviled throughout the ancient world. For instance, the Romans deemed them to have no greater moral standing than whores.

One of the big things they were into before our societal collapse got into full swing was the Sudan. It was a way for them to bring their self-righteousness to bear on something that made themselves feel like heroes. George Clooney even got himself arrested in front of their embassy in DC in order to make a big spectacle out of himself. It was something I simply didn’t care about due to the implications. NPC behavior didn’t strike me as a threat to humanity’s survival until it was channeled into fervor for poison injections and World War 3.

There was a particularly funny outbreak of this in which an American who talks like a gay but swears he’s just “very theatrical” produced a viral video about a guy from Uganda named Joseph Kony, who was apparently the leader of something called “The Lord’s Resistance Army.” I remember being very disconcerted when I learned of its existence. This is simply the greatest name ever for an insurgency, and now it was already taken.

Basically, the video was about how everyone should get these stickers, join this social media campaign, and share this video so we can save Africans from Kony. It was ironic because he doesn’t even seem to be that bad by their standards. Rape, torture, cannibalism, marauding – these are behaviors that anybody south of the Sahara might engage in at the drop of a hat. Anyway, as everything was taking off, the not-gay-guy had a psychotic breakdown, stripped naked, and began thrashing around and masturbating on a California street corner. They tossed him in the loony bin and the campaign petered out in the aftermath.

The whole debacle was hilarious, and it seemed especially so since over 100 million NPCs got roped in. That was my take on global warming as well since it was laughably idiotic but still suckered in all these NPCs who harbored pretensions of moral and intellectual sophistication. Like I said, I was rather naive about the danger posed by these creatures along with the utterly nefarious plans of the people who’ve harnessed them. However, time cures all things and hope receives no exemption.

There are a number of ways to identify NPCs, all of which would be taught in a comprehensive course to my societal cleansing squads (if I was to become supreme dictator). But, I’m not big on the aforementioned hope thing, so I’ll point out one for today: NPCs will mark themselves. They think it’s to display their moral and intellectual sophistication but actually it’s to show you they’re an NPC.

For example, if someone is wearing a Ukraine flag pin or has it on their social media profile. If they’re Ukrainian, that’s certainly one thing. Also, if they’re Polish with a blind hatred of Russia motivating their support, they also might not be an NPC. Everybody else, yep.

I’m aware that many from our community are more optimistic than myself and wonder if successful interventions are possible for an NPC. Maybe electroshock therapy. It does appear to be rather scientific and humane. Although, I must admit I’ve never forcibly apprehended anyone, strapped them down, and electrocuted them myself. Who knows?