As a Southern gentleman engaged in the esteemed profession of dog catching, I’d never use a notorious epithet that begins with a “n.” This scurrilous practice is beneath my level of refinement even if I lacked the dispassion of sentiment to restrain my verbal discourse. However, I do acknowledge that there are certain dynamic, yet problematic demographics in our country. Specifically, I’m referring to African Americans.
This is why I respect the efforts of various publications to capture their dynamism by applying fresh labels in coverage of quintessentially African American incidents. Any cretin can employ a crude racial slur, but these scrupulous journalists are able to use their creative talents to come up with labels that are really appropriate for the situation. Everybody knows the individual in question is an African American simply from his or her actions, so why put that in print?
For instance, I came across a story in the Daily Mail about a gentleman who carried out a John Wick-style execution of a father and son in an urban stairwell over a noise dispute. Noise disputes are fairly common occurrences. As far as I’m aware, death has never been the penalty anywhere for noise infractions.
In my younger years, I lived in a condo and would host raucous late-night gatherings. While I considered myself a conscientious citizen, a coalition of my neighbors finally threatened me with legal action. However, never once was I concerned about being gunned down in a stairwell. Then again, none of them were African Americans.
Anyways, according to the Daily Mail, the executioner was a “crazed neighbor.” In reality, an African American needn’t be crazed nor your neighbor to shoot you dead over little to no provocation whatsoever, although having one in such domestic proximity certainly proffers less security than avoiding them altogether.
The pertinent issue is that there’s really no decision-making inputs in between the flash of anger and the flight of the first bullet. Due to such considerations, I’d recommend not socializing with or around African Americans.
Of course, one might cultivate an interest in their behaviors for scientific purposes. Under such circumstances, if you’re able to observe a large gathering of them without a pair of binoculars, you’re too close and thus jeopardizing your personal safety.
In fact, if African Americans select safety as a paramount priority, I’d recommend they not even socialize with each other. An incident from Detroit gruesomely illustrates the risks incurred from this hazardous endeavor. Let’s begin with the headline:
Deadly shooting at baby shower sparked by two women who had been longtime friends
That’s just from the local news. If I was in the big leagues writing this up in Daily Mail style, this is how I’d do it:
Shocking Scene as Disconcerted Reveler Guns Down Friend at Baby Shower
I know a guy who used to write for the Daily Mail. He told me he was embarrassed about his time with this publication. I don’t know why; it seems like it’d be pretty fun. Oh well, let’s read on:
“She’s a friend of the family. They’d been friends since they was kids,” said Williams’ niece Shavonda Carter. “I don’t understand why would she even pull a gun out.”……
“Y’all could have just fought. You didn’t have to pull a gun,” Carter said. “There’s kids in the house. It’s a lot of people in the house so why would you pull out a gun?”
Not to make light of this tragedy, but I feel compelled to admit a mild amusement when African Americans attempt to do a post-mortem analysis of the perpetrator’s decision-making process following such incidents.
Shavonda, there was basically no decision-making process that took place. So, naming these variables and then questioning why the performance of the equation didn’t take them into account is a waste of your mental energy.
This caper didn’t end when her aunt hit the floor. Please, there’s more:
The woman left the location and called Detroit Police to say what she had done as she headed to DPD’s 9th precinct on Gratiot Avenue, just a few miles away from the house where the baby shower and shooting took place.
What the woman may not have been aware of is that Phebe Williams’ son apparently followed her because he was also there in the parking lot of the police station and when the woman exited her vehicle, he struck her with his car.
Williams’ son was taken into custody and the 46-year-old woman was also taken into custody and hospitalized for her injuries.
This would be my Daily Mail headline for the finale of the baby shower blood bath:
Irate Motorist Runs Over Woman in Chilling Confrontation
If you have a strong stomach for violence that transpires under the wackiest of circumstances, African Americans really are the gift that keeps on giving. Nobody else comes close, even Florida Men.
I’m considering applying for a sabbatical from dog catching so I can devote my time to writing a scientific treatise on their conduct. Please stay safe, and just keep in mind that stray rounds can travel quite a distance and most domestic building materials aren’t suitable for arresting their trajectory.
I’m proud to officially announce my candidacy for the office of Dogcatcher.
Seconded. Relevant:
http://www.amnation.com/vfr/archives/022463.html
Jogger, scholar, irate driver, thugs, youths, jealous karate students, philosopher, doctor, gentle giant, baby-faced terrors, women who miss flights, fiends, hate-fueled suspects, hulking Florida teens, groups, etc.
The media never ceases to fail when using every word in the dictionary to describe a certain demographic committing all the crime.
Unfortunately, too many, even among our number, have yielded in their minds to a modern abolitionism which views race as a mere social construct. Stalin would be proud to own them as brethren and comrades.
“Sentimentalists may shout that ‘Christianity knows no castes’; that ‘all caste-distinctions are unchristian’ – which I here denounce as scripturally and historically false. … Witness the fact that, in all secular issues, he infallibly sides with the assailant of all vital Southern interests, even when the Negro is thereby hurting his own interest. And this he does, usually, with a regularity exactly proportioned to his professed ‘culture.’ … I know some very good Christians among them — wholly above individual larceny. But I have invariably seen the best of these, as partisans, concur actively, without qualm of conscience, in the foulest and most putrescent party actions by which the South has been disgraced. Such is the average, Christianized intelligence and conscience of that race at this time.”
Dabney, ‘The Atlanta Assembly and Fraternal Relations’, 1882.
Since the British are rewriting their history to inform their future generations that the British were always Negros and ever will be I propose these descriptive terms:
English, Britisher, Churchilians or Royalty.
Fighting age colored males comprise just 3% of the U.S. population but account for more than 70% of violent felony convictions. God only knows how many crimes the “good boys” and “scholars” get away with. By securing the borders and segregating from the savages already here, Whites could thrive while the other races kill each other off.
“Due to such considerations, I’d recommend not socializing with or around African Americans.”
Indeed. One never knows when a sudden act of diversity will occur.