Cheap Thrills

One of the wonderful things about America is that the denizens of our shithole have no need to seek excitement abroad. Sure, the attendees of Burning Man have never been able to experience anything nearly as exciting as a paraglider assault but that doesn’t mean death can’t come from above when they return to Los Angeles. 

Indeed, America is an egalitarian sort of shithole where even its downtrodden residents, who could never afford a trendy Satanic rave out in the desert, can still taste the bitterness of mortality. From the Daily Mail:

Officers responded to the home invasion in south LA on September 15 after getting a 911 call from the distressed building manager of the East 33rd Street residence…..

The manager had frantically called police for help after the four people had forced their way into an apartment in the complex, bound a resident and stolen his car keys……..

On the call the manager claimed that the four had remained at the premises and were now stalking the hallways terrorizing other tenants [Who needs Hamas?]…….

While she believed they were teenagers, the four suspects were later identified by police as Aaron Flenoy, Justice Lockhart, Jeffrey Askew, Daiyaan Henderson, who are all in their 20s….

An interesting twist on Americans is the semantic games we like to play with each other. This really helps to keep us mentally sharp. In most countries, they just plainly state someone’s occupation regardless of their race. Most countries, however, never had a space program. 

One of our most intriguing innovations is that when African Americans commit crimes, we must decode the official language employed in their description. If one of them does an armed home invasion, for example, this could have him classified as anything from a “scholar” to an “irate pedestrian.” It takes genuine mental acuity to unravel the truth.

For example, I’ve attempted to explain how a “scholar” can be a black male without a 3rd grade reading level but also a home invader to a Chinaman in his own language. He just couldn’t wrap his head around the concept and probably went back to pondering whose pet he’d like to eat for supper that night. They’re now the top exporter of automobiles and they’re also taking a leading role in chip production, but I doubt they’ll ever be able to innovate on our level. 

The other cool thing is that African Americans are so eccentric and unpredictable that they often defy any specific classification beyond an abhorrent racial slur, which I’d never utter, let alone reprint in this highbrow publication. 

With their grim sense of determination towards a chosen course of action, regardless of the consequences, one must concede it to be rather admirable. Let’s read more:

Once police arrived on scene, Lockhart and Flenoy were taken into custody, but Askew decided to take a gamble and flung himself from the rooftop [seems to be five or six stories] in a bid to escape justice.

Footage revealed police looking up at the building as Askew, who appeared to be aiming for another roof [2 stories], jumped and bounced off it before landing on the pavement.

‘Don’t do it, don’t move, do not move!’ officers are heard shouting as Askew appears to reach for his waistband.

Oh, please wait, it gets better:

‘As officers approached Askew to take him into custody and render aid, he reached into his front waistband and removed what officers believed to be a firearm,’ a police statement read.

‘Askew then appeared to point the object in the officers’ direction, resulting in an Officer-Involved Shooting (OIS) and a simultaneous deployment of a 40mm Less-Lethal Launcher foam projectile round.’ 

It was later identified that Askew was not holding a gun, but a hammer at the time of the shooting.

You can’t train this sort of daring and commitment into somebody. I suppose the thing is that most African Americans are well-aware they can’t swim and tend to panic accordingly, but this doesn’t apply to their understanding of aerodynamics, leading to some pretty daring escapades.

You’ve got to respect the fact that this scholar was probably crippled on the concrete but still had the strength of will to fight like Thor. I’m sure he’s an avid reader of various mythologies. I guess this was his plan to deal with the cops: