Supping from your soylent sippy cup, you glance upon your overweight feminist girlfriend. You catch a glimpse of your own eggplant anatomy in a small mirrored Boba Fett visor on your collectible Star Wars Lego and Funko Pop shelf. The flabby, balding, pale apparition you gaze upon stares back and you are split between carbo bliss and horror. How did it come to this? How did your parent’s beautiful boy, full of potential, come to sit upon a minimalist Ikea couch, while a man-hating hambeast scours her bellyfolds for spare Krispy Kreme sprinkles? You weren’t bullied enough.
Fatties used to be ridiculed and it was a good thing. If you care about your friends, you cannot let up. The Southern man should be the bully pater, the disapproving father figure who uses tough love to forge stronger allies. You, assuming you are not also a hamplanet, should be criticizing your friends. It is not enough to be the light around which moths flock. Any characteristic that is not regularly exercised will atrophy and face replacement. Bully your fat friends into seeing their weight as they should, with disdain. We are all Sisyphus tasked with pushing our boulders uphill. Some give up along the way, and the first thing you need to do is tell them to start pushing again.
The bullies today, as in the before times, clench their jaws in disgust when gazing upon the outliers of the herd. Meanwhile, the mouths of heretics are forever agape. Body positivity and “healthy at every size” are the maxims spit forth from their new religion, in which the yeast is the ultimate attainable form. Eat this sugary surprise and this wheat treat because they, like you, are subconsciously aware of the eaters’ high which is produced by overindulgence. “These bread sticks are like crack,” they proclaim! Because they are, retard. The gliadin in their wheat products binds rapidly to the oxytocin (love) receptors in their brains. When told they must taper off their poisonous diets, they balk like a 17 year-old teenage girl told to break up with her 30 year-old drug dealing boyfriend.
The bully, as stated elsewhere, is the shepherd of the herd. You are keeping the flock happy and healthy by either correcting or cooking the outliers. Your corrections will have an impact. A friend of a friend came up to me this past summer. He pulled me aside from a debate on the merits of Vril retention to give me thanks for my comments on his weight and titty twisters. “Without you pointing it out, I wouldn’t have realized how fat I’d actually gotten.” He’d left our last encounter with the drive to straighten up and started an exercise routine that led to him losing almost 20lbs by that next meetup. There was a noticeable difference in his physique and demeanor. It was at this point that I considered him worthy of being my friend, and not just an outlier of my own flock. See the story of Jamie Brooks, whose friend texted him encouragement like “fat fuck” and “you’ll be dead by 40.”
Women, and low testosterone males, will look at you as if you have grown horns. You, the bully, are devil incarnate, and not even the well dressed homosexual one from Netflix! “Oh no, my heckin fatterinos! How dare you stop this someone from becoming the biggest something he can be? Your toxic masculinity may cause them stress, which may lead to a heart attack (for which they are at higher risk). You must have some disorder where you think all women should look a certain way and all men should be able to accomplish a pull-up. You are a mad man, a bad man, the (evil) trad man who expects a fit wife and fit friends.”
Look at yourself in the mirror tonight, and ask yourself if you are done working out or eating right. If you say yes, then you are lost, too. We were made in the image of God and it is necessary to strive toward that image, as we do with our faith. If not for God, do it for your family who will get to enjoy your presence much longer. Bully yourself and others into doing what is right for all. Wake up in the morning and defeat the fatter you.
We are witnessing, not the natural end of a great human civilization, but the birth of an inhuman civilization that could never have come into being without a vast, an immense, a universal sterilization of life’s highest values
Amen! I am set on the path to be back at the weight I was when I got married . It’s really not as hard as it seems, but you have to start. Sugar/bread are the killers. Once you get those our of your diet, or at least greatly reduced, , victory is assured. 25lbs down and counting.
Great article and I really laughed at some of your prototypical soy-boy analogies, great writing sir.
My word of caution to those that bully and/or being bullied into shape, make sure its healthy. Working out can be just as bad for you as carbs and just as addictive, there probably just as many extreme gym rats that die of congestive heart failure due to stress of their organs as fat people, then there is always the temptations of steroids and the million performance enhancers such as pre-work out powders (which are pure caffeine with added mega doses of things like niacin) that will all make you just as unhealthy and unattractive as the fat guy, and no more athletic.
We as Southerners should always strive for our God given natural selves, which in this post modernist world, lying on the ruins of the atomic age industrialized habitat that the hippies rebeled against it, can be hard to live naturally and have a natural physique. The goal is to be healthy and athletic, to look and live like you just stepped out of Eden, not to be bulky to the point of relying on man made chemicals, powders and in need of more calories than would be possible to consume without endlessly making shakes and then blending and counsuming whatever concoctions the new fad that month is. Its real easy to go overboard and become something just as unnatural and unhealthy as a soybody, just the other end of the spectrum, be careful.
I know many of men, working construction like I used to, that went that route, its never pretty. Sure they had great bulk and could lift large weights, but when they would disappear on the weekends to buy their steroids out of Laredo, were they any different than the guys buying the cocaine from the dealers next door? Not really, just as unnatural and equally bad, bad for the heart and bad for the soul.
Just a word of caution, bully them into health, not just another form of slob with better defined calves. Health should be the goal, natural, athletic, sustainable bodies that would come from living in the garden of Eden, natural is always the Southern way.
I always endorse Southerners encouraging each other to be better, good writing and a fine article, thanks for sharing.
Health and HIIT/lifting that is adaptable to combat functional fitness.