“F*** Biggie, F*** Bad Boy”

As the central banks digitally conjure money at a feverish rate in a vain attempt to avert the imminent total collapse, this is an appropriate juncture to remind ourselves that nothing on this planet besides money and bullshit are in unlimited supply.

Whenever anybody starts blathering to you about infinite growth economic nonsense, simply cut them off by pointing out that we live on a finite planet. Therefore, while all people do, in fact, instigate economic activity, the best interests of society dictate that we shouldn’t all be fed.

I used to think that every single human had value because humans could be used as fertilizer. That misguided outlook stemmed from watching too many movies. As it turns out, the salt content of the human body makes it unsuitable for such purposes. Some of us proffer no utility whatsoever.

The famed economist John Maynard Keynes probably wouldn’t find himself in agreement. According to him, the government can use its currency capabilities to create economic growth. Everything’s going to be just fine.

Therefore, I’m going to present a case study from his island of Britain where a colored gentleman recently stimulated quite a bit of economic activity. It’s my contention that this vignette should provide grave pause to anybody who buys into such crackpot theories.

An aficionado of rap music, he is the executive of a record label, which is a very rare job title for a man of his complexion. While dutifully self-isolating at his flat in Chatham Dockside, Kent he decided to film himself rapping while high on drugs.

You’ve probably never seen this before, but it’s a vibrant cultural pastime for which his people have achieved worldwide renown. In order to add theatrical flair, they often brandish firearms during their performances.

On his balcony, he whipped out a pistol and began rapping along to a song by the rapper Tupac (shot to death) denouncing another rapper Biggie (shot to death). As he got carried away with the dramatic lyrics of the ballad, he began discharging his weapon (neighbors claim it was a cache of weapons), 50 times to be exact, while shouting “f*** Biggie, f*** Bad Boy”.

This naturally led to some consternation from pedestrians on the sidewalk below, prompting the authorities to dispatch a helicopter and a SWAT team to bring his thrilling musical rendition to a conclusion. White people can never allow a black man to have a little fun.

This artist is undeniably an engine of economic growth. Aren’t the natives of Britain better off having him producing and consuming in their midst rather than waving a wooden spear around in front of a mud hovel that a beaver would scoff at back on the Dark Continent?

Surely the West should be able to dominate China, with its falling birthrate, by bringing all of them here to expand our economies. Right? They’ve done wonders for Baltimore, just think about how wonderfully they could revitalize Britain. Consider the social capital! Isn’t it strengthened by attracting foreign talent that can rap and rape way better than the locals? Only racists would see a pie with limited slices, when in reality it could be bigger for everyone! This all makes sense, doesn’t it?

Oh, wait…….none of this adds up any better than Uncle Sam’s balance sheet. If only common sense could be packaged and sold as a financial product, we wouldn’t have to worry about starving to death.