I’ve always wondered what it would be like to unleash my inner madman. It must be so damn cathartic. As I watch all these Current Age protests, my amusement is outweighed by my jealousy. Haven’t you ever wanted to show up outside the White House to clap and chant “Donald Trump, KKK, Racist, Sexist, Anti-Gay!” until you’re blue in the face? You’d probably sleep like a baby that night. It sure beats pecking at a spreadsheet under florescent lighting.
Don’t you dream about trapping your petrified senator in his office while you batter his door and shout “Open the Door, Hear the Stories!” as the leader of a bunch of deranged cat ladies? Alyssa Milano was smokin’ hot back in the day. But Father Time rules with his usual indifference. Sooner rather than later, our best days are confined to the past.
That’s why I’ve come to deeply admire this “Extinction Rebellion” movement. From what I can gather, it’s propelled by a bunch of aging Gen-Xers who’ve surmised (correctly, IMHO) that the imminent climate apocalypse is the perfect excuse to bring the lunatic fringe to the forefront. For them, it’s time to go all out or check into a nursing home. They’re not squandering their final golden opportunity. This is commendable in itself.
They’ve got theatricality and costumes on the caliber of a Broadway production. Check out their “Red Brigade.” Stanley Kubrick could have cast them in the Illuminati sex ritual scene from Eyes Wide Shut. This is a high-value production.
They’ve got some loose screws, but they’re not just screwing around. Their worst antic thus far was trying in earnest to shut down Heathrow Airport, one of the most important hubs in the world. They climbed on planes, glued themselves to roads, and even tried to use a drone swarm to block aircraft. If one of them had gone into the engine of a jet, it could have plunged into London, killing hundreds. At a certain point, this becomes no fucking joke.
The former head of counterterrorism for Scotland Yard has called for them to be classified as “an extremist anarchist group.” No shit, Sherlock. Like I just said, they’re crazy. And did you know what? There are lots of crazy people out there just waiting to get activated. That’s why people in prominent positions should be responsible about what they preach to those who find them credible.
For example, Obama. As the black President of the USA, he gave a speech about how cops were murdering black people for being black. He didn’t believe any of it, otherwise he wouldn’t surround himself with police protection. He’d just hire bodyguards from the Nation of Islam, like Michael Jackson. But, other people did believe him. They blocked freeways, rioted, and committed mass shootings against police officers. This was entirely predictable.
When virtually all of the most prominent people on Earth solemnly intone about how the science is settled, that the ice caps will melt and we’ll all drown and kids have no future, then some people will take them 100% seriously. After accepting the insane premise, they’ll then escalate things in a logical fashion. These Extinction Rebellion idiots are pretty mild given what they believe the stakes to be, and highly entertaining. I’ve perused their website, and all they’re really asking is for everybody to become Amish.
Have you seen On Deadly Ground? It’s one of Steven Seagal’s finest flicks. Basically, there’s an evil oilman played by Michael Cain who’s polluting the pristine Alaskan wilderness. To save the environment, the refinery gets blown up at the end because there’s nothing better for Mother Nature than a massive petrochemical explosion. How long before some nutjob tries to pull some shit like this? They’re being told the demise of humanity is imminent, so playing dead to block a street or dressing up as a witch isn’t going to do it for everybody.
That’s the sort of scenario I’m worried about. Maybe the people in charge should just STFU about the end of the world.
I’m proud to officially announce my candidacy for the office of Dogcatcher.
