HEARTWARMING: Local Community to Rebuild Dry County’s Last Moonshine Still.
CROCKETT CO, TENN-
Residents of a small town in Crockett County have come together to help 96 year old Everett Byrd, after a moonshining accident has left his still in pieces. “I been makin’ shine for 86 years now, ever since I started with my ‘ole Uncle Smitty. I reckon I let it get a little too hot this time and blew that still to high heaven” commented Byrd. When the news spread, locals from the sheriff’s office all the way to the high school janitor came together to help him rebuild his still. “I found out when I went to Old Everett’s house to buy- erm, borrow some sugar and I saw that he was covered from head to toe in smut from the blast. He looked like a damn polecat. Then I spread the word in the local paper and people just came together to help Everett out.” Said a journalist for the local paper.
If you think residential charity stops there, think again. In celebration of the new still, the mayor of the town will be holding a ribbon cutting ceremony, and has declared March 25th “Everett Byrd Day” in honor of the local legend and hero. It is rumored that town officials have invited country musicians Alan Jackson and Dwight Yoakam to play at the event. Billy Ray Cyrus offered, but was promptly rejected. “Yeah, Everett is kind of a local hero, I don’t know what we would do without him. He’s been here longer than anyone I know and I don’t know what we’re going to do when he kicks. I heard he has his shine recipe buried somewhere, there’s gotta be a map to it around here somewhere. I just know it.” Said Arthur McNealy, owner of Art’s Taxidermy.
“I truly am touched that so many people in this town cared enough about my shine to build me a new one after I blow’d the other one up down the holler. I still ain’t seen the old pressure gauge come down after being blown into the air,” said Everett Byrd. After seeing this touching turn of events, it truly is heartwarming to see an entire community come together for a common cause, especially when it’s a senior citizen, a local patriarch, in need.
-Special Identity Dixie Reporting by Mason Dixon
Oh, I'm a good old Rebel, now that's just what I am; For this "Fair Land of Freedom" I do not give a damn! I'm glad I fit against it, I only wish we'd won, And I don't want no pardon for anything I done.