A Product for Useless People

Despite the ADL censorship, I still have fun watching stuff on Youtube. Sometimes it’s having a beer and chuckling at classic pro-wrestling clips from 20+ years ago or checking out some of the great Alt-Right content that hasn’t been purged. Unfortunately, my viewing enjoyment gets interspersed with commercials. One company seems particularly prevalent and annoying: “Grammarly”.

I’ve been subjected to unrelenting spamming with clips appealing to imbeciles attempting to thrive in this new dystopia we’ve created for ourselves. One features a young white woman arriving to work for her first day as her diverse enterprise’s “new social media manager”. She feels completely overwhelmed by the “hurricane” described in the jingle. That’s until Grammarly helps her to spot the difference between “were” and “we’re” in her Facebook posts. She also fails to recognize the difference between “affecting” and “effecting”. The fact that this company is in business demonstrates that there’s a huge market catering to completely useless people performing completely useless tasks. Making real stuff that we use on a daily basis? Don’t worry. The Asians are taking care of it.

The most revealing ad features a black college student. She explains to the audience that if she wants to get “A’s on her papers” then she’d better use Grammarly to ameliorate her inability to understand the basics of the English language. At least this one contains an element of racial truth, which leaves me wondering why it was even produced. It also stimulated conjecture about what someone like this would be educated about these days. I’m pretty sure it’s why anyone who shares my skin color is evil. Lucky for her, an “A” is guaranteed. You go girl! Good luck paying back the crippling mountain of student debt. Honestly, I don’t take pleasure in the misfortunes of the stupid. There aren’t nearly enough diversity sinecures to go around. She’d be way better off just doing janitorial work and only getting ensnared by payday loans and credit cards.

I suppose that I find all of this so triggering because both of the characters above would be around the same age and IQ as some of my students back when I taught high school. I can’t say it was an uplifting experience. I can recall an entire semester working with a black girl, who looked a lot like the one in the ad, on the most basic geography.

On the final exam, she labeled New Zealand as Africa. I put NZ on the test purely to inflate the scores because the learning standards only included the continents. It seemed so small and out-of-the-way that on a map with only 6 highlighted choices, no one would pick it. I sincerely hope she never applied for a student loan. If she did, then she’s probably using Grammarly.

-By Tommy Shackleford

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