1985’s Malthusian Misadventure

Watching a clip of Anne Hathaway tearfully urging a crowd of trannies to “tear this world apart” while my region was being inundated with deadly floodwater got me to thinking. Now, I’m not actually mad at her. She’s obviously a very damaged person who used some award show as a platform to display her issues. But, it was a reminder that some things never change. Hurricanes bring wind and rain, and the self-esteem of the average celebrity is a black hole nothing could probably ever fill. It seems weird since most people are fine with themselves, despite not having millions of fans and millions of dollars. But, that’s just the way it is, and it’s been this way for quite awhile.

There was this annoying video played all over TV back in the 80’s. A bunch of celebrities teamed up for a song called We Are The World. Ostensibly to raise money for starving Africans, it was actually one of the cringiest acts of narcissistic self-indulgence ever recorded to date. The fact that these celebs were so admired back then says much about the escalating derangement of our society. It’s no wonder how we’ve gotten to where are today.

Michael Jackson had a prominent solo in the video. Sure, he had some good songs, but this was a guy so utterly unwell that he literally couldn’t stand his own face or skin. Sleep was impossible without a cocktail of sedatives. Oh, yeah and the “Jesus Juice” and little boys, too. His opinion mattered, why?

Even the participants I’ll admit to liking aren’t exactly paragons of wisdom. Kenny Rogers is in the video but this is a guy whose most famous ballad is meant for people tripping on psychedelic drugs. Speaking of drugs, Willy Nelson was also in the thing. His music is great, but I wouldn’t follow his advice even if he merely suggested that I cross the damn street.

This kind of thing escalated into an ad campaign featuring the obese actress Sally Struthers pleading for money to save more starving kids in Africa. Her desperation to feel good about herself just bled right through the TV screen. All the swill in a Golden Corral buffet line couldn’t plug the hole this poor lady had in her heart.

The reason celebs like these are a problem and not a pity is that being deranged does not exempt one from being able to make a difference. In the case of celebrities, that difference can be quite big indeed. The population of Africa has nearly tripled since that awful song was released in 1985. Africans are flooding into Europe as they’re outstripping the carrying capacity of their native lands. Population growth is now taking on a more vertical trajectory. It’s inevitable we’ll be witnessing a Malthusian catastrophe on a scale never before conceived within the next 25 years. So, thanks guys! Great job.

Why do so many people care so much about celebrities? I’m aware this question is purely rhetorical, but really they’re just images on TV screen or voices coming out of a speaker. I always cringe when I see a grown man run over to get photo with a one of them. You’re not a tween girl meeting NSYNC. Is your own dignity of no value?

You know who you should be a fan of? The crew that works overtime to get your power back on after a storm. Maybe the dude who comes over to fix your plumbing so that your toilets don’t start overflowing with shit would also be a good candidate. These vital services that they’re providing have a much more important impact in one’s life then some idiot on TV. Unfortunately, this seems to be a principle too opaque for the average intuition.


  1. I must admit, my first question was “Why would any self-respecting adult be watching this drivel to begin with?”. But, I feel the same about ANY awards-type shows, and, honestly, 99% of anything on television. I can only think of one reason to turn on a TV, other than to watch a DVD, and that would be to watch a little bit of golf. And not much of that. But, that’s just me.

  2. My public school negress music teacher made us sing this song all the time. In later grades my white music teacher made us sing Hava Nagila. What kind of music did I end up listening to as an adult? Mostly 70-80s Country with some select stuff from 90s. It’s like musical expression/appreciation is part of our phenotype, but I have been informed many times that we are all blank slates.