“That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, lifted over ditches, and have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain’t I a woman?” – Sojourner Truth May 29, 1851 Akron Ohio
This article is being written in response to a series of articles about White Women (WW) using their tears as weapons against People of Color (PoC). I will be honest, I never really thought of my tears as a “weapon” before. I have, of course, been told that women can usually get out of a bind if they turn on the waterworks. This is best documented for working on our “daddy’s” and police officers trying to give us tickets. It’s no secret that most men don’t know what to do when a woman starts balling her eyes out.
“The only thing deadlier to a black person’s soul and well-being than actually being killed or incarcerated are the tears of a white women,” writes one of these Black Women. According to their reports, no matter what the situation or conversation, even if the WW is the one to start the conflict, all she has to do is cry and everything will stop dead and everyone will make sure that she is okay. The PoC may even be reprimanded for causing the WW such anguish. These black women (BW) believe the reason behind this phenomenon is that WW are considered the “symbol for femininity,” and that we have been “painted helpless against the whims of the world.” So, if my tears do hold such magical powers let’s examine why this might be.
What is femininity? Femininity is a set of cultural attributes assigned to the female sex. Let’s delve a little deeper. Hegemonic femininity is a term used to describe the dominant qualities a woman is believed to have in a society. So, what qualities do we look for in Western Society that are believed to be ideally feminine? Feminine Women (FW) are expected to be empathetic, gentle, kind, nurturing, patient, and loving. FW should excel at cooking and cleaning and should sacrifice daily for their family. While doing all of this, FW should also be dressed well, properly groomed, submissive, and should cater to the wants, needs, and desires of her husband. They should also be intelligent and well spoken, but not exceedingly intelligent. That isn’t a lot to ask, right?
Most WW are taught some form of this ideal from a young age. We are read fairy tales about white knights coming to save the damsel in distress. We watch romantic comedies about ugly girls putting on a dress, doing their makeup, and then being able to make the guy fall for her. We watch movies when we get older like Taken and Law Abiding Citizen that show men going to the absolute edge of the earth and back to protect their women and children. We learn that above everything else, you should be with a man that is stable and makes you feel safe. These are primary and important values in a mate.
Now, let’s take a look at BW. Their community expects BW to be strong, assertive, to preform wage labor, and want women to aspire to be leaders. These are not Western feminine qualities. In fact, they are the exact opposite. These are masculine qualities that Western Men are expected to adhere to. BW also rate higher in the feminism category. It has been show that on average too much association with the feminist movement is viewed in a negative light. BW have complained that White People see them as mannish, yet according to our culture, they act in a “Masculine” way. We will explore this further in the next few paragraphs.
The article continues, “Few things bring White People, especially men, and sometimes no matter how misogynist they are, to a White Woman’s defense than her declaring that she is feeling hurt, sad, or discomfited by the words, arguments, or actions of a Black Person.” This is true of Feminine White Women but not of WW in general. If you are a butch looking femi-nazi, no matter what race you are, chances are you are on your own, if any kind of altercation breaks out, because you also give off masculine energy, and men do not rush to protect men or men like things. BW are also more outwardly aggressive. When looking at statistics on violence in ethnic groups only 10% of non-drinking WW are likely to display violence, while 22% of non-drinking BW are. Add alcohol to the mix, and BW become almost 60% more likely to commit violent acts than drunk WW whose violence possibility only raises to 20%.
WW tears from a feminine female are an outright war cry to a proper white gentleman. White Men (WM) are taught to protect what is theirs. They have a sense of pride and are expected to be assertive, honorable, strong, confidant and dominating. If they allowed someone to insult or aggravate one of their women what kind of man would he be? They will come to her aid even if she was the agitator because when she cries, she is in need. She does not know or need any other way to defend herself. White women cry, White Men ride in on their white horses and save them.
Why are BW so salty about this? When even they admitted it was the, “One weapon Society has given them (WW).” Is it because your men don’t rush to your aid when you are in distress? Is it because even in your Disney movie you didn’t get a prince to come save you? Maybe if you did not emasculate your men, thus making yourself more masculine, you would get better results. All men want to feel powerful, Feminine White women understand this, BW continue to toss these ideals aside. BM are more likely over WM to not respect women, to not honor their role as a father or familial caregivers, and are usually unsuccessful. They are usually brought up and feminized by their mothers, and emasculated by their women who hold all of the masculine power. 73% of Blacks are born to unwed mothers, 67% of black children grow up in a single parent household, and OVER 80% of black women are their households bread winners. No wonder your men seek gangs, crime, and violence to try to find some way to assert their masculinity. (Also ladies, if a man looks to you for what you can provide, he is no man at all, men are supposed to be the providers).
So whose fault is it, is it the BM for not stepping up to his responsibilities, thus causing you to take on a more masculine role? Or is it your fault for taking all the masculine roles and not allowing your men to be men? These are problems White people cannot solve for you. You need to fix your own communities before you can expect the rest of us to jump on board.
Being feminine in the world today is no easy task. Women everywhere want you to ask for equal pay, when really what you want is your man to be able to make a living wage on his own so that you can stay home and care for the household. Women tell you not to give into the masculine ideal of women, when that is all you want to do because you WANT to be as close to ideal for your man as possible. You have to watch how you act in public because if you come off too anti-feminist you will be ridiculed. I’m not sorry if my WW tears have caused you to have to stop what you were doing, or saying, because I too have to live in silence. I also have to tip toe around what I say, and make sure I do not hurt YOUR sensibilities. I’m not even able to speak up for my people or recite statistical facts without the fear of being called a racist.
So, I will continue to my White Women tears, because they are the only true weapon I can still wield.
-By Magnolia Belle