It was an amusing couple of weeks with which we were blessed with to reflect upon the shocking endorsement of Donald Trump by none other than Kanye “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” West. This, of course, is notable because Kanye is black and hold on, you won’t believe this, is also a rapper. Yeah, I know. Many conservatives were pleased as punch at the prospect of Kanye “normalizing” support for the embattled president who handily beat the dowdy and obnoxious harpy, Hillary Clinton, in a democratic election.
Normalized. What a feat. Just like how Bill Cosby normalized the notion of a black man being a doctor and a family man, before it was revealed that he was guilty of drugging women and screwing them whilst they slept. What a guy. Just like Tiger Woods normalized the idea of a black guy doing something with golf clubs, besides stealing them, before he was caught beating up his white wife and driving sleepily under the influence of prescription drugs. I guess my racism is noting a pattern.
Speaking of Trump and his success-orbiting black sycophants, it reminds me of another man who participated in the Democratic popularity contest. You know, as much of a loose cannon as Kanye West is capable of being, at least he wouldn’t seemingly fall asleep during a presidential debate, if he were running.
Did you know that Ben Carson was a surgeon and that he’s black? He wears suits as well. He was once showered in government-gibs-me-dat-programs but, with the ever-mounting adoration of whites pushing him onward, he was able to become a doctor, and eventually a presidential candidate. Gentle Ben was so humbled by the chance given to him by white conservatives that he ran a presidential campaign somehow less compelling than Hillary Clinton’s. He was brutally unprepared, dead on arrival with his delivery and not in the least bit knowledgeable about world affairs. But, he was black, and some sort of sectarian Christian, and was capable of speaking clearly and wearing suits. His political coming out was at some stupid for-show-only prayer breakfast and he put that less-than-grateful Obama in his place, or something.
The fact that his candidacy was a joke did not deter conservative voters from fawning over this new black rose from the ghetto thorn bush. Carson was able to hold his own for weeks as the number two to a white man who actually had a pulse AND a personality. He was even capable for a short time of attracting many of the evangelical voters who would normally have taken charlatan Glen Beck’s advice and voted for Ted Cruz. After all, somewhat Hispanic, plus somehow Canadian and American is exotic, but not as good as just being plain old black.
Carson had a story. It was a great story too, in the minds of many conservative voters. Something about a troubled youth, his mama set him straight, and he, like, found Jesus and started doing surgery and stuff. Basically, it was like a Merle Haggard song, just replace the charismatic train-hopping songster with a squinty black guy. Like “Mama Tried,” the Steve Urkel edition.
After it became clear that Carson was a lukewarm dud, many, if not all, of his voters threw in their lot with Donald Trump and were pleased by a Republican victory. This, of course, resulted in those same voters widely being labeled as racists. Can you believe that? All that devotion to black guy in a suit and the social credibility points were still not awarded to them. What a gyp. All that negro worship for nothing. Again, I see a trend, but that’s just my bigotry, of course.
Remember all the good boy points awarded to whites for buying Richard Pryor’s genius albums, such as That Nigger’s Crazy and Bicentennial Nigger, or all of the social justice capital we gained by loving Chris Rock or breathlessly quoting the sage wisdom of Dave “Doo Doo Butter” Chappelle? Remember how embracing the street wise nursery rhymes of NWA and Public Enemy endeared us to black criminals? Remember how going to see Spike Lee’s contemplative films earned us the respect of Afro-centrics? Remember how voting for Barack Obama finally cleansed us of our racial sins and ushered in a new “post-racial” America? Remember how devoting our Sunday afternoons to watching ballgames played by black rapists and violent felons uplifted the blacks and kept them from rioting and shooting white police officers? Remember all the times that our press went to bat for good boys who didn’t do nothing wrong and got the blacks to realize just how much we cared and wanted them to succeed?
Funny, I don’t remember it either. Once again, all that good will, payed out with no return. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, though. Our boy, Ben Carson, landed him a government job as the director of HUD. Perhaps his leadership can bring us a whole new generation of good blacks, who didn’t do nothing wrong, who can show up unprepared for the big day when all of us good white folks can heap our praises upon them and give them a high paying participation trophy. Why interrupt such a great trend? It’s worked so well for us in the past.
-By Robert E. Lieberman
Robert E. Lieberman is a misanthrope, malcontent and unprincipled racist. His hobbies include sulking, brooding and just barely getting by.