Close Your F*cking Mouth

A “soy boy” is a feminine or physically weak man, and it takes its name from the belief that soy products increase estrogen levels in men, essentially “feminizing” them. If you’ve ever met a man that consumes unhealthy amounts of soy, you know what I’m talking about. Cultural critic Heartiste reinforced this notion in November, “Soy has isoflavones which are associated with increasing estrogen levels. Multiple studies confirm soy’s de-masculinizing effects. You can read about many of those studies here. Soy protein depletes testosterone in men.” So, what’s a sign that a man has mutated into a soy boy? An easy one is the gaping open-mouth smile or, what the Alt-Right has termed, the SOYlent grin.

The lead image associated with this post is a collection of cringy selfies taken by Trekkie has-been Wil Wheaton. I’ve never really heard of him until recently – when he decided to post embarrassing feminist commentary on Twitter. As you can see, Wil has fully committed to the SOYlent grin. The sheer volume and damning amount of evidence is not a coincidence. He also ingests a damaging helping of soy per his Twitter  (his handle, as of this writing, is Wil ‘Kick the Nazis off tweeters‘ Wheaton). Talk about try hard, along with that goofy-ass spelling of his first name.

For the uninitiated, both “soy boy” and “bugman” can be used fairly interchangeably. A bugman is defined as, “Small-souled creatures that look barely human, believe strongly in having modeled “rational” takes, and are defined completely by their choices as an alpha-consumer.” They’re primarily consumtariats (think slavish to the iPhone iterations), but also parrot the approved talking-points and politics of the Current Year™ zeitgeist. Bugmanery is essentially the Left’s approved, and implicitly enforced in our cultural superstructure, behavior for men. Whereas, the “soy boy” is a more physical manifestation and development.

Typically though, one is usually both a bugman and a soy boy, since both are intrinsically linked. The former is their spirit (or lack thereof), the latter is corporeal. For instance, you don’t normally see physically fit, or at least physically normal-looking, men in Justin’s and Wranglers standing idly in line nursing a skinny flavored latte (cupped with both hands) while waiting for the newest iPhone release. Instead, you see revolting inhuman bugmen-soy boys.

Further on the soy boy menace: The soy boy is “a pejorative which is often used in right-wing online communities to describe men lacking masculine characteristics, bearing many similarities to the slang term “cuck.” The term is based on the presence of phytoestrogens contained within soybeans, which have led some to conclude that soy products feminize men who consume them.

One common connection shared by both soy boy and bugman is the disturbing SOYlent grin. Below is a thorough definition of the SOYlent grin from a member of the Alt-Right:

This is a primal fear grimace.

This face obviously isn’t being caused by direct fear. The bugman uses it in every photo, as his default. He thinks this expression exhibits exuberance and excitement. He wants others to see that he is an exciting and happy person. The expression the bugman uses to show this is perfectly ironic, for the expression of open mouth, teeth showing, eyes open, is an empty and fearful plea for mercy.

The bugman is an empty shell, defined by his consumerist choices, and is by default, empty and unhappy. This expression wants to convey happiness and fulfillment, but like the bugman’s existence, is easily seen through for what it is.

Detestable and weak.

I had the minor misfortune of spending my finite time in the presence of a soy boy bugman humanoid not long ago. I was visiting his parents, who are friends of mine despite the age gap. He is in his mid-twenties and is naturally, and apparently, residing permanently with his brood. Typical bugman leech behavior, to be honest.

After thirty minutes of small talk with his parents, I asked if Brian was home. He’s not my friend, but I was curious. “Oh, yes. He’s downstairs in the basement. Probably playing video games, you know him, he’ll never grow up. I’ll holler down for him to come up,” the mom said smiling. In the corner of my eye, I could see the father grimace, clearly embarrassed.

To be frank, he should be embarrassed and I was embarrassed for him. This was my lunch break on a Tuesday and his twenty-six year old son is in a hoodie and pajama pants playing Overwatch. Not to be a prick, but somebody needed to hit that boy over the head with 1 Corinthians 13:11.

After a few minutes and some grumbling, which I heard through the floor boards, he labored up the steps. He was dressed in the bug hibernation attire and he looked worse than I remembered. Tall, gaunt, pale and lanky. His forearms were smaller than my wife’s wrists. He didn’t look me in the eye and I made him shake my hand. In fact, I forced him, through bullyciding conversation, to reveal to me he had been playing video games in the basement all day. Before awkwardly saying goodbye and heading back to his bug-hole, I noticed the iPhone glued in his hand. Part of me wanted to rip it from his delicate fingers and tell him to get a job and grow-up, but I like his parents too much.

Before leaving, his parents and I reminisced over some framed family photographs on the mantel. I remembered most of them from my youth, but I noticed some new ones too. And, there I saw it. There was Brian with the SOYlent grin – and his eyes –  lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. The bugman grin with a childish countenance and insipid eyes.

I leave our readers with a collection of SOYlent grins. Watch for bugman behavior and soy boy attributes. The SOYlent grin is real and these boys need to shut their fucking mouths.

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The SOYlent grin for books.
Image may contain: 2 people, eyeglasses, indoor and closeup
The SOYlent toothless grin. Probably homosexuals.
Image may contain: 3 people, people smiling, people standing, eyeglasses, beard, outdoor and closeup
The SOYlent grin crosses ethnic lines.
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The SOYlent grin for bug man toys.
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The SOYlent grin for cereal.
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SOYlent grin for video games.



  1. Seeing a man making this face in a photo or elsewhere??? I don’t know how to say this delicately, but fellas? That open mouthed pose, is the quickest way to ensure a woman’s legs will stay firmly snapped shut. A real woman anyway.