Identity Dixie’s Hot Take: The Last Jedi

Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ Review SPOILER ALERT

Instead of new story-telling, we get remakes of the ice battle on Hoth, the cave on Dagobah, and the throne room scene from ROTJ. A lot of the same dialogue too.

The bad guys are the government now… again.

All the leaders of the Antifa–eh, I mean the Resistance–are women.

Ms Girl-Power already knows how to fight and lift stuff with her mind without any training.

Luke is just a bitter old man who has nothing to teach Ms Girl-Power. His job is to learn from her. He is the only White man who isn’t a villain in the film.

There’s these hamster-penguins that clearly exist just for merchandising.

The Black stormtrooper wakes from a coma just in time to date an Asian girl. He shows constant concern for his dear “friend”, Ms. Girl-Power.

The 1% make their money selling guns. They just party all the time while child-slaves torture animals for their amusement.

Darth Whatever still looks like he should be fighting in the Israeli Defense Force instead of being Han and Leia’s son. He gets a shirtless scene to build some sexual tension with Ms. Girl-Power.

Yoda shows up just in time to burn the Bible and a Church.

Del Toro plays a Han Solo-analogue who takes his money-cart and leaves this time.

There are only three interesting scenes. They all have Luke. One is actually funny. One is the climax.

Leia lives, funny enough. She uses the force to get back from the vacuum of space. It looked silly.

After winning, Luke dies at the end for no reason.

The Resistance get their message out to rally all their “allies.” The galaxy is made safe for interracial romance.