Bro ‘Merica’s Historical Illiteracy

The worst type of people advocating the removal of Confederate symbols are the patriots. Here’s to the government they love putting them all in FEMA liquidation camps.

Their patriotism is shallow, bro-tier nonsense that originally started as a way to make fun of the absurdities American patriotism. Seriously, just look at how r/MURICA developed. It’s a case study in Poe’s Law. It’s a sham, and I hope you all accidentally shoot yourselves.

Often the Confederacy is accused of being “un-American” (which implies America has some sort of set of defined universal values and beliefs with continuity to our founding), which falls flat when you just look at two leading figures – Lee for the Confederacy and Washington for the United States. This non-argument, calling the Confederacy “un-American” is based on the idea of there being one American political tradition, and the South professing a heretical branch, contrary to orthodox “American values.” This is clearly not the case, because from day one North and South, who both trace their political traditions from Britain, were fighting it out for supremacy in the federal government. Both competed for power and pre-date the USA’s founding. Just because one side triumphed does not make the oppositions beliefs incorrect or illegitimate.

When Washington and Lee are compared, it’s hard to see why Washington is given a free pass while Lee and his comrades are not. Lee was a loyal citizen of a sovereign state that left a union it had voluntarily joined, as an independent entity, less than a century before. On top of that, Virginia only seceded when Lincoln called for volunteers to suppress the already-departed Deep South. Washington, on the other hand, was quite literally a traitor who rebelled against legitimate authority. The colonies were not sovereign entities and had no legal right to separate. How come Washington is an irreproachable hero, while Lee is now the devil-incarnate? There are no grounds to condemn Lee that you couldn’t also condemn Washington and his contemporaries to an even greater extent. Keep in mind, Jefferson Davis was not tried for treason, nor were any other confederates, for the simple reason that there no guarantee the courts would convict him. The legal argument for secession was very strong.

The lack of consistency for the Nu-Patriot is apparent, and personally I think this persists because without the cognitive dissonance they would be forced to confront the realities of their country’s founding beliefs of white supremacy. Instead of a coherent set of values the nu-patriot redefines Americanism to be about ever-changing and curiously abstract ideals of “freedom” and beer – or something. The “Murica” thing is so widespread it comes with its own market of cheap Chinese-made paraphernalia. Now you can show love of country by letting your country’s flag soak up your ball sweat with American Flag Underwear™.

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Real American Hero

As for the “no participation trophies” line, all I would say is that they should tell that to the families of men killed in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Vietnam. This country is for winners, after all.

Usually when I point these things out I get called a “cousin-fucker” or something similar, which is fine by me. Shit-tier jabs like that haven’t offended me since I moved to the city in elementary school. I’m more than willing to let them continue to fire duds. Have fun wallowing in your post-ironic faux-identity while your country spirals into oblivion around you.

-By Will Galloway